been taking care of someone with sudden and severe onset of sciatica recently. refused to go the chiropractor route, but he did go the medical one, and got an x-ray (which revealed all is essentially OK and nothing serious going on) and got muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatory medication etc. he's had severe cramping and lots of pain. screaming, yelling, pounding, etc.

one morning he was carrying on, refused to let me help him because he thought i was hurting him, then screamed at me to DO SOMETHING because he was in pain, and it went back and forth like that for a while until i gave up and took a shower. could hear him yelling while in the shower, but didn't realize it was because my Bono Buddy cat had done a perfect hairball projectile vomit spray all over him, precisely outlining the stretch of pain running down his leg, and didn?t miss a drop of it anywhere else. he was laying on his good side and he couldn't move to clean it up.

cats are amazing.

i knew it was time for me to back off and just let him "lie in it" for a while.

that is, we had exchanged a few "words" during the first couple days, in some sort of battle of wills. and i realized that i shouldn't be trying to fix him, willing him to submit to my exercise regime, nagging him to move this way or that, trying to force him to cooperate and berate him for not complying, and also that he needed to decide he wanted to get better, and realize the fact that he needed help and accept it, and i needed to learn how and when to give it.

and it was amazing, but after the cat barf episode, things started to improve almost immediately. i spoiled him and took care of him as much as possible, but tried not to nag or boss or push him too much, and he started to relax and realize he needed help and that his rigid stubbornness and anger was compounding his situation. and he had to accept it -- just accept the pain and move through it. after the first couple days, he settled down and let me manipulate him a bit, and allowed me to convince him that stretching would help, and that drinking lots of water helps with muscle cramping, etc. i made him yummy things to eat, gave him fun books to read. he said please and thank you and smiled and read and relaxed and tried to exercise and leaned on me to help him.

we realized we were both being selfish control freaks.

there is a saying that pain is unavoidable -- inevitable, even. but suffering is optional.

for him, as long as he was angry and cursing and fighting his pain, stubbornly refusing to move, shaking his fists at the sky, the more he suffered.

for me, the more i insisted on fixing him, exerting my will over his recovery, the more i suffered.

once we both accepted the situation, we were able to deal with it quite effectively as a team, and with loving kindness and caring and gratitude for all.

anyway, a week later, after lots of rest and massage and stretching and some medication, he?s back up and moving and functioning and has once again, returned to gainful employment.

behold, the power of cat barf.